[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.3s] What does Thea do when she gets to Silvery Moon?
[6.6s] She's there to see her parents because we did not leave on the best of terms.
[10.7s] I scale up the side of the house and I go into my childhood bedroom.
[17.8s] Hello.
[19.8s] Oh, Thea.
[21.3s] Hi, Mom.
[22.1s] I left because you and Pop are difficult to deal with.
[26.2s] We shipped you off because we just didn't have the understanding to deal with it and I'm sorry.
[33.0s] Nulara.
[34.1s] All your brothers, their spouses and a bunch of kids have all come running out to greet you.
[43.4s] How are you guys? How are things here?
[45.1s] We've been safe and we've been trying to be as safe as possible.
[49.0s] You see Rulon kind of slam down the drink he's having.
[53.0s] Won't let me go and join the rebels and do our part?
[56.9s] Okay, I'm going to follow him.
[58.5s] And what happens if the people who are trying to stop these dragons and wizards don't stop them?
[65.4s] If the bad guys win, you're going to be awfully happy to have had every moment
[70.3s] of peace and happiness that you could cram in before, you know, the end of the world.
[76.3s] You climb into bed and as you begin to drift off.
[80.7s] Well, this is a new place.
[83.4s] Flint, make my way back to my folks place.
[88.2s] It opens up and you see your sister, Helge.
[93.9s] Hey, sis.
[95.4s] Flint, there's no easy way to tell you this.
[100.0s] Dad passed away a couple weeks ago.
[103.0s] Oh.
[103.8s] Helge, what are you making?
[105.6s] And she looks up and sees you and immediately starts crying.
[110.2s] I rush forward and give her a big old Firebeard style hug.
[113.9s] You're being safe then and you're surrounding yourself with good people.
[117.1s] Yeah, no, they're they're the best.
[121.2s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[123.2s] We're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master,
[127.3s] Russ More, and with me today is Carla Johnson.
[130.4s] Hey, it's me.
[131.5s] I play Nularaaa Moonbrook.
[133.7s] And Tom Laird.
[135.5s] It's me and I play Flint Firebeard.
[139.5s] And Amy More.
[144.8s] I'm Amy More.
[149.4s] And I play Siamastasia.
[151.3s] And for those of you who aren't sure what that was.
[153.2s] Oh, no, everybody knows what that was.
[154.8s] What was it?
[155.6s] Yoshi.
[159.6s] Amazing.
[160.3s] I didn't know we were doing a theme, you guys.
[162.7s] Well, Tom went for it.
[164.0s] I was just like, what could I?
[166.5s] Yes, yes, I could.
[169.6s] Do I know how to make that sound?
[171.1s] We'll find out.
[171.9s] Doesn't matter.
[173.0s] See what happens.
[174.6s] All right, is there any Mario noise you wanted to make, Carla?
[179.7s] She's a Carla.
[180.8s] She's a gonna win.
[183.4s] All right.
[183.6s] Well, welcome, everybody.
[185.4s] How's everybody feeling after that last week?
[188.3s] Ah, feeling good.
[190.7s] I'm nervous.
[192.2s] I'm nervous for you.
[194.1s] It was so lovely.
[195.2s] I was having such a nice visit with my family and then
[199.1s] fucking Dagger McFuckface had to pop.
[203.4s] Write that down.
[204.1s] It's new name is Dagger McFuckface.
[207.2s] Yeah, no, I was all holy man confrontation.
[210.7s] I don't like this as a regular person, let alone in my fantasy world
[214.5s] where I get to pretend not to be a regular person.
[216.6s] But here I am having hard conversations with parents like I love to do.
[221.5s] I mean, you could have gone anywhere.
[223.2s] You chose to go home.
[225.6s] You've been calling it the home episode.
[228.4s] You could have lied to me and be like, yeah, no, I went to a different place.
[231.8s] And really, I'm just here to hook up with my high school boyfriend.
[235.8s] That is my next stop.
[237.7s] Amy's like, I want to go to home hardware.
[240.3s] I have some things I need to pick up.
[242.3s] Depot, HomeSense, there's a lot of home stores.
[247.5s] Sure.
[247.8s] Well, another place where we ask hard questions
[251.3s] and post even harder polls is over on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[257.0s] Yeah, Russ is always discussing hard polls.
[262.4s] Asking questions where they fill out an A, B, C, D response.
[267.8s] You're all about the D, aren't you?
[269.0s] You guys are all about the D.
[272.9s] Don't know why anybody just suggested that my husband is all about the D.
[277.6s] All about the D.
[281.4s] This is where rumors start.
[283.4s] Like rumors, the Fleetwood Mac album.
[285.0s] Oh, my God.
[286.0s] Because that's a good album.
[287.8s] I was waiting in the post office the other day when I was waiting.
[291.0s] Fleetwood Mac was there.
[292.7s] No.
[293.7s] Now, whatever story I tell is going to be shit.
[296.1s] Yeah.
[296.2s] Because Fleetwood Mac wasn't there.
[298.6s] Way to go.
[299.1s] You feel you're proud of yourself.
[300.4s] Really good about myself.
[301.4s] Yeah.
[304.0s] They just had the rumors soundtrack, like the rumors album just playing.
[308.2s] So good.
[309.0s] All the wall.
[309.7s] It's so good.
[310.7s] I don't think rumors has left my car CD player since I purchased it.
[316.3s] It just lives there.
[318.6s] Do you have a single disc or like a six disc?
[320.6s] I got a six, but it's always one slot is rumors.
[324.2s] There you go.
[325.7s] Now, I just want to listen to the rumors album.
[327.0s] I know.
[327.3s] Me too.
[327.8s] Like, can we wrap ourselves up?
[329.0s] I have an album to go listen to.
[331.3s] Yeah.
[331.5s] All right.
[331.8s] Well, we'll hit play now.
[333.4s] With all the rumors on that Spotify playlist.
[335.7s] Yeah, just add the whole album.
[337.0s] It's wall to wall amazing.
[339.4s] I feel like we're missing a few songs.
[341.1s] So that'll just help fill it out.
[342.6s] Yeah.
[343.0s] Perfect.
[343.5s] It'll be good.
[344.8s] Speaking of Patreon and rumors,
[347.1s] rumor has it that we've got a dedicated an episode to a patron.
[352.0s] And that patron today.
[353.4s] Is Adele.
[354.2s] Thank you for letting us use a tiny pullout of yours.
[358.4s] Is Gabriel Lynch.
[360.7s] Hey, Gabriel.
[362.6s] Thank you.
[363.3s] You rock.
[364.7s] Fuck it.
[365.0s] Let's play D&D.
[366.9s] Let's do that.
[368.2s] OK.
[370.5s] Or let's talk about feelings.
[372.0s] So your call.
[374.6s] So you step back down the stairs, back at your home there, Thea.
[378.8s] And you get to the landing and.
[381.6s] No, I get halfway down the stairs and I ride the banister the rest of the way down.
[386.5s] All right.
[387.6s] Roll.
[387.9s] Make a dexterity check.
[389.0s] I don't have any dice out.
[390.6s] Nobody told me I'd be rolling.
[394.2s] Here we go.
[395.0s] Thought she was all about that rolling.
[398.2s] I love it too much.
[402.2s] What everyone likes to see.
[404.2s] Beautiful.
[405.4s] Look at that.
[406.3s] Beautiful.
[408.0s] Can anyone imagine what's going to happen to me down the stairs?
[411.7s] I don't know.
[412.6s] It's going to be a mystery.
[413.7s] Instead of walking down the stairs like a normal human being elf creature,
[419.8s] you decide to ride the banister like you did when you were a child.
[424.8s] But what you don't realize
[426.8s] is that they installed a newel post at the very base of it.
[431.1s] So you slide down and you hit that newel post
[434.2s] and go ass over tea kettle onto the floor at your father's feet,
[439.2s] who then looks down at you and says,
[442.5s] Good God, Thea.
[443.8s] Jesus Christ.
[446.2s] I don't know who Jesus Christ is.
[449.4s] Just the man down the street, you see.
[451.7s] That's Jesus Christ, Dad.
[453.3s] Get it right.
[453.8s] I can't pronounce these human names.
[457.3s] They're letting anybody into Silver Moon here.
[459.5s] What are you doing home?
[462.7s] I bounce up.
[465.1s] Rachel went aside.
[468.5s] I came to bury the hatchet with you and Mom.
[472.7s] And he sees your mom stepping down the stairs.
[476.2s] Elegantly like an elf should.
[477.5s] Yeah.
[478.1s] Oh, fine.
[479.0s] So elegant.
[481.4s] Like she went to finishing school.
[483.4s] Fancy hell.
[484.9s] She could be bouncing on her head the whole way down.
[487.8s] The way that my dad wished I could walk down the stairs.
[492.3s] Well, I'm sure your mother has yelled at you far enough,
[495.6s] so I will say that I'm glad to see you
[498.2s] so you don't have to get it from both of us.
[502.7s] Thanks, Pop.
[503.2s] I missed you too.
[504.9s] Yes.
[507.8s] Do we shake hands or maybe just a curt nod?
[511.9s] I hear the kids are fist bumping.
[517.2s] The whole daughter fist.
[525.4s] All right.
[527.4s] Shall we go maybe sit down?
[529.2s] I think we have a lot to talk about
[530.5s] and I don't have a whole lot of time.
[533.7s] Always running around.
[534.7s] Always flitting about.
[537.5s] All right.
[538.2s] To my study.
[539.6s] You remember where it is, don't you?
[542.0s] Can you get up off the floor?
[543.5s] I already got up off the floor, dad.
[545.2s] God, I stomp over to his study.
[552.6s] He leaves a huge sigh and then follows behind you
[556.4s] into the study.
[559.9s] New Laura.
[560.9s] Yes.
[561.4s] It's the middle of the night.
[564.9s] And you've been walking in your sleep.
[567.0s] No.
[567.5s] You've been walking in your sleep.
[570.4s] Yeah.
[571.3s] And you heard from your buddy.
[576.4s] Yeah, my buddy.
[577.1s] The dagger.
[578.9s] Dagger McFuckface himself.
[580.6s] Dagger McFuckface, I believe,
[581.9s] was how you referred to him as.
[584.6s] And you find yourself,
[587.0s] you're not quite sure how you got there,
[588.5s] but you find yourself in the middle of the forest.
[591.6s] Oh, okay.
[595.8s] And I have awoken,
[597.3s] like I have come to myself
[598.6s] and I'm in the middle of the forest.
[601.2s] Yes.
[603.0s] You don't recall getting out of bed
[605.4s] and walking into the forest,
[606.9s] but you have done so.
[610.2s] I don't like this at all.
[612.2s] The dagger says,
[613.8s] remember how I said that there was
[616.8s] a little rider in the claws
[620.1s] that said that every now and again
[622.8s] has to be some stabbing.
[625.8s] Yes.
[627.0s] Yeah.
[627.8s] So now's the time.
[630.6s] We have to seize the day.
[633.1s] Carpe diem, as they say.
[636.2s] We can go either this way,
[639.0s] back to these people,
[640.4s] these fine people we've been talking to for so long.
[643.0s] They seem like nice people.
[644.2s] Or we can go this way,
[647.8s] where you see kind of through the trees,
[650.1s] you see off in the distance
[652.4s] a single log cabin.
[658.7s] And that is like just some strangers?
[662.8s] Yeah.
[663.0s] I mean, it's one of my brother's homes.
[667.0s] It appears that you've,
[668.3s] judging from what you can tell
[669.9s] about your location,
[671.0s] you've been walking for quite a while
[673.5s] and you don't appear to be super close
[675.8s] to where you were with your brothers.
[681.0s] And it doesn't look like a cabin
[683.2s] that you are familiar with.
[684.8s] It's perhaps been built in recent years
[687.5s] since you've been gone.
[689.4s] I don't want to do this right now.
[692.4s] You can't wait a day?
[694.2s] No.
[694.9s] A day.
[695.4s] See?
[696.0s] You can't wait a day.
[697.3s] No.
[698.6s] I'm going to stab like a thousand creatures
[702.2s] in the next several weeks.
[703.4s] That's not going to be enough for you?
[705.5s] The gems on the dagger
[707.7s] begin to glow a bright red.
[710.6s] Well, can I...
[712.7s] God, it's been a long time
[714.1s] since the dagger tried to make me do anything.
[716.2s] I assume I can roll against it, right?
[719.8s] It doesn't just get to tell me what to do.
[722.5s] I mean, it's given you
[727.5s] very strict parameters of what happens
[730.1s] if you don't listen to it, right?
[734.6s] That I'll stab one of my friends?
[737.0s] That something will happen
[740.4s] that you probably won't be happy with.
[743.2s] Well, I'm not happy with this.
[744.7s] These are two terrible options.
[747.8s] Look.
[748.4s] Okay, let me put your mind at ease here.
[750.4s] The guy in the cabin, not a great guy.
[753.7s] The fact that he's living so close to your family,
[757.0s] it's probably not a good thing.
[761.0s] Tell me more.
[762.5s] If I'm getting my sources right,
[764.1s] which my sources are usually correct,
[767.3s] he's been on the run for quite some time,
[770.4s] wanted for killing some people,
[774.3s] cold blood, stealing.
[777.3s] He's not a good guy.
[781.0s] And if I don't do it,
[783.1s] something bad's gonna happen.
[784.2s] I don't know what's gonna happen.
[787.0s] I can't tell you.
[787.8s] I'm not a future reader.
[789.1s] Okay, I'm gonna go look in this guy's window,
[795.4s] see if I can see anything.
[797.4s] You know, sneaky-like.
[799.3s] You go up to the window.
[801.9s] You peer inside,
[803.7s] and inside there's a single cot with no one in it
[808.5s] and a fireplace that is lit illuminating the room
[813.8s] and a single chair,
[816.9s] which from where you're looking
[818.6s] has the back to the window.
[820.7s] But you can tell from the arm you see kind of overhanging
[825.6s] that there might be a man, possibly a little older,
[830.9s] who is at least sitting in the chair.
[834.4s] The way that his arm is kind of hanging there
[837.4s] could lead you to believe that he's fallen asleep.
[844.4s] This is the worst.
[845.5s] I mean, there's no way I'm gonna stab my family
[848.7s] or like be around my family
[850.6s] when I can be compelled to do something horrible.
[854.6s] Like, can I just leave?
[859.0s] No, because then something bad's gonna happen.
[862.5s] This is New Laura having this conversation like out loud.
[867.1s] I'll give you a moment.
[868.3s] It's fine.
[870.8s] Not too many moments, though.
[873.0s] Not too many moments, though.
[875.3s] I mean, that's the thing is that
[877.2s] when you tell me what to do, it's really fucking bad.
[880.2s] It's as bad as it can be.
[881.4s] It's thaddeus in the chest and it's...
[884.6s] Yeah, I apologize for that.
[888.2s] I did.
[888.6s] Do you though?
[890.3s] I feel like if he's gonna make me do it anyway,
[892.1s] I should just kill this guy that I don't know,
[894.6s] which is pretty fucking fucked up place to be at.
[898.9s] If I have to choose between killing somebody I love
[902.2s] and killing someone I don't know,
[904.4s] Randall's gonna get it every time.
[907.5s] Like, there's no way I'm gonna kill anyone in my family.
[913.3s] Okay.
[916.2s] I am going to pull out my cloak
[923.1s] so I'm like all covered
[926.0s] and I'm gonna pull out flametongue and say Mui Caliente.
[930.4s] I'm gonna kick open the door of the cabin,
[933.1s] real like dramatic-like.
[935.7s] Is the chair facing the door?
[938.0s] It is, it's to the side, yeah.
[941.3s] I guess if I think he's sleeping.
[943.0s] Let me just first like try the door very quietly
[948.2s] because, you know, dramatic entrances and all
[950.6s] but kind of wasted if he's sleeping.
[952.9s] The door is unlocked.
[955.2s] Well, it is a good neighborhood.
[957.1s] Except for me.
[959.2s] So I open the door and I see him.
[960.6s] Is he sleeping?
[962.5s] He appears to be sleeping.
[964.8s] Does he look guilty?
[967.8s] Tell me what guilty looks like.
[969.4s] I don't know.
[970.6s] He just looks like a dude.
[972.5s] Just looks like a dude
[973.5s] in a very sparsely furnished room.
[976.6s] Doesn't appear to be too many personal belongings there.
[980.6s] Okay, well, I'm still gonna do it dramatic style.
[985.8s] I think because I want to know that he is a bad person.
[992.6s] So I'm going to standing there.
[996.6s] I'm in front of him now.
[998.2s] Robe covered flaming sword.
[1000.9s] I'm going to say more dramatically than I can right now.
[1005.7s] Awake, your time has come.
[1007.7s] Confess your sins.
[1009.4s] As you get closer, you see that he looks to be an older man.
[1014.4s] He kind of startles awake, opens his eyes
[1017.0s] and immediately there's a look of panic and fear when he sees you.
[1022.6s] Good.
[1023.0s] He doesn't seem to be able to catch his breath or say anything.
[1028.3s] He's just kind of trying to scramble back into this chair.
[1033.7s] Who are you?
[1036.6s] Your time has come.
[1037.7s] Confess your sins before you go.
[1040.2s] Confess my sins?
[1044.6s] Okay.
[1049.5s] Who sent you?
[1051.0s] Who are you?
[1052.3s] I pull out the dagger as well.
[1056.4s] But I approach him with the flaming sword and say,
[1061.6s] this is your last chance to confess before you go.
[1065.0s] Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1066.6s] Okay, okay, okay.
[1067.4s] I, I, I, I did, I, I heard some people.
[1074.1s] I heard them.
[1074.5s] I heard, I heard them real bad, but I've been, I've been trying to,
[1077.5s] I've been trying to, that's why I came here.
[1080.2s] I stab him.
[1082.4s] I stab him in the leg.
[1084.6s] He screams out in pain and you feel a rush of energy.
[1094.6s] Come up and swirl around the dagger from the wound.
[1100.1s] You feel it absorb into your, your body.
[1107.0s] And as the man yells out, you see him fall back in his chair
[1114.6s] and you're watching him as the life is being drained out of him.
[1119.8s] Watching him, you see a face, not his face, but another face,
[1127.4s] a very fair skinned, porcelain looked face come and materialize over top of the man's.
[1139.3s] And then fade away.
[1141.0s] And as it fades away, the red glowing gems on the dagger fade away as well.
[1148.9s] Now that wasn't so hard, was it?
[1154.2s] You pull the dagger from his leg and the man is dead in the chair.
[1160.0s] How's your sweet potato pie, bud?
[1162.0s] Oh, it was fucking best thing ever.
[1164.8s] You've had your sweet potato pie and you've been kind of just sitting around.
[1169.1s] It's a late hours been quite the cribbage tournament that's been going on.
[1175.0s] And you've been, you know, telling stories as much as you feel.
[1179.4s] You, you know, you've been, you know, you've been, you know,
[1183.8s] you've been, you know, you've been, you know, you've been, you know,
[1187.9s] as much as you feel you can tell or want to tell your family.
[1194.2s] And some of the things that they're amazed at, you know, what you've been able to do.
[1199.8s] And your, your mother, she looks at you and she says,
[1205.8s] you've never been one to, to, to be upfront about exactly what you're doing.
[1212.3s] So I'm not going to pry.
[1214.5s] I have a feeling that you are doing more than you say you're doing.
[1221.6s] You're probably good to to go with that.
[1225.0s] Yeah. Okay.
[1227.0s] I mean, I don't want to make anyone worry, so.
[1230.2s] Yeah, yeah, of course.
[1232.2s] And she stands up and she says, well, the spare room is there.
[1238.7s] We still have still have lots, lots to do tomorrow, I'm sure.
[1244.2s] Make sure you get, make sure you get a good rest.
[1246.2s] And she puts her hand on your shoulder.
[1250.8s] Just kind of holds it there for a minute and then says, okay, well, you,
[1256.0s] you have a good, you have a good sleep then.
[1258.1s] I'll see you in the morning.
[1260.0s] All right. I'll see you bright and early.
[1262.6s] What would you, what would you like for breakfast?
[1265.4s] Oh, oh, surprise me.
[1268.3s] Surprise me.
[1270.3s] Okay, can do.
[1272.0s] And she goes into her room and closes the door.
[1276.5s] You are sitting there with your sister for a little while and you come to the
[1282.5s] realization that the shoulder that she had her hand on is covered in dragon scale.
[1289.7s] Helge looks at you and so what's.
[1294.9s] What's with with that?
[1296.3s] Oh, it's a, it's a bit of a long story.
[1305.1s] Essentially, I have a Dragonborn that's also living in my head and it's kind of
[1315.7s] kind of messing with some physiological stuff here.
[1320.6s] Oh, so nothing serious then?
[1324.8s] No, no, just your run of the mill second personality kicking around.
[1329.2s] Yep.
[1329.6s] Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
[1331.1s] Yeah, you know, second soul, all that, all that good stuff.
[1333.9s] So that's, that's, that's something that you're just okay with and it's just,
[1339.6s] just does.
[1341.2s] I mean, like it's not my first, not my first choice, but you know, we kind of have this
[1347.8s] thing that's a little more pressing than this.
[1351.6s] So we're kind of working on that with my friends.
[1354.6s] Got a lot, got a lot going on.
[1357.1s] Yeah, there's always something.
[1360.5s] Hey, yeah, okay.
[1364.8s] I'm sure I actually don't know.
[1369.5s] Dad, dad left you something.
[1373.0s] I don't know if it'll help you.
[1375.3s] Um, she goes into a side room and comes out with a, a long box
[1385.1s] and she hands it to you.
[1387.3s] I guess he's been hanging onto this for a while,
[1390.6s] waiting to, to give it to you at some point and she puts it down in front of you.
[1397.0s] I, uh, I'll open it up.
[1399.8s] You open it up and it is a, a gleaming shining long sword.
[1408.4s] Huh.
[1409.9s] Um, I know, I know you and dad, you know, you made a lot of
[1415.1s] hammers and axes, but I guess this, I guess this went back in,
[1419.1s] in the Firebeard family for quite a while.
[1421.9s] And he, he never really got use of it, but knew that you, you know,
[1426.5s] when you went into the military, maybe when you came back, you would want it.
[1430.7s] Um, he left a, left a note with it.
[1434.3s] Um, I'll see if I can, hold on, let me see if I can go find that.
[1438.3s] And she goes and roots around and comes out with an envelope that has your name on it
[1444.6s] and hands it to you and says, I, I don't know if you want to read it now,
[1448.3s] or if it says anything of, of, of importance concerning the,
[1452.6s] concerning the sword or anything else, but that he wanted you to have this.
[1457.0s] Thanks. I'll, uh, I'll, I'll take it with me as, as I go to bed.
[1464.2s] Of course. Um, and she says, well, I'm, I'm gonna, since you're, you're here tonight,
[1470.3s] maybe I'll go, go tidy up, tidy up my own place and, uh,
[1474.7s] and get that all sorted out and come back in the morning, if that's okay.
[1478.6s] Yeah, that, uh, that sounds good. Give my, uh, give my best to Lothar.
[1483.1s] Of course, of course, will do.
[1485.2s] And she gathers up her things and, and heads off.
[1491.6s] Let's read this letter.
[1494.0s] You open it up and it looks like it's been been sealed up for quite a while.
[1499.5s] It doesn't look like it was one that was written, written recently.
[1503.2s] It's addressed to Flint. It says Flint.
[1507.9s] I hope this comes in handy when you need it.
[1513.0s] And then it says the keyword is moist.
[1527.2s] And, uh, Flint has a pretty good chuckle about that because, uh,
[1532.2s] it's a bit of an inside joke for the two of them going back a long time.
[1536.2s] And it says, I hope it finds you well.
[1540.6s] Be safe.
[1542.8s] Your dad, Fargram.
[1548.1s] And I, uh, I pick up the sword and, uh, so, uh, I guess, uh,
[1554.8s] as we might as well see what, uh, what this does moist.
[1561.4s] The blade begins to glisten.
[1565.4s] You see a shining fluid move out
[1570.3s] along the blade until the entire blade is coated in a clear liquid.
[1578.7s] Yep.
[1582.1s] That's generally what happens.
[1583.6s] It's just so on the nose.
[1600.6s] There's no subtext.
[1604.1s] I know we're not subtle,
[1611.4s] but I'm dying.
[1614.2s] Uh, is it water?
[1616.7s] Yeah.
[1617.1s] What?
[1617.4s] Taste it.
[1627.0s] Um, will saying moist again make it stop?
[1635.0s] Do you, do you say moist again?
[1640.7s] Moist.
[1641.2s] You see the fluid come off of the blade.
[1647.8s] Like, and go where does it drop to the ground?
[1650.2s] Is there a puddle there?
[1651.2s] Is it?
[1654.6s] It appears viscous.
[1656.1s] Is it mucusy?
[1657.1s] Are we talking more of like a, like a really slimy fluid?
[1660.0s] I'm gonna say it like absorbs back into the hilt.
[1663.8s] Okay.
[1664.1s] Oh, secret shaft fluid there.
[1667.1s] That's great.
[1667.4s] That's right.
[1668.9s] Yep.
[1672.0s] Cool sword.
[1677.4s] Now is this a one-handed sword or two-handed sword?
[1681.0s] Maybe it was with one or two hands.
[1692.3s] I put the sword back in the, in the box and, uh.
[1696.6s] Go wash your hands.
[1698.0s] And I, uh, and I go to bed.
[1701.2s] Well, hello there.
[1705.8s] How are you?
[1706.6s] It's me, your dungeon master, Russ More.
[1708.7s] Thank you for joining us for episode 71 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1712.6s] Returning home part two.
[1714.8s] And oh man, we were doing so well, weren't we?
[1719.0s] And then one of our lovely patrons, Ty, they throw in a, uh, a moist sword
[1724.3s] and we all just lose our shit.
[1728.4s] Thank you, Ty.
[1729.9s] Albeit, I was the one to choose where to have it show up.
[1733.3s] So I guess that one, that one's on me.
[1737.3s] We do have some more patron items and even characters coming up
[1741.5s] in future episodes and some in even this episode.
[1745.0s] But I don't want to spoil those.
[1746.2s] So, so keep listening.
[1747.8s] This week, we've just been gearing up for PodCon.
[1750.1s] Some late nights editing, some, some working ahead recordings.
[1755.0s] We're super excited to be heading to Seattle and hanging out with all four of us.
[1759.4s] If you're going to be there in Seattle at PodCon, make sure you let us know.
[1763.2s] We are hoping to meet as many people as possible, fans and podcasters alike,
[1767.4s] including as we're meeting up with the broadswords for breakfast.
[1771.0s] We're going to have a super fun game.
[1772.6s] We've got planned with Travis Van Grof of Dark Dice and Sean Howard
[1776.2s] at the end of time and other bothers.
[1778.2s] But we're planning on meeting, like I said, as many people as possible
[1781.7s] and share the good word of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1783.5s] We're going to have stickers to throw out people in the halls.
[1785.6s] So hopefully we see you there.
[1788.0s] And hey, don't forget to come join us in the newly formed Reckless Play Guild Facebook group,
[1793.0s] which is an amazing group of people who are getting together to talk Dumbgeons and Dragons
[1798.3s] and some amazing actual play podcasts.
[1800.9s] Dark Dice, The End of Time and Other Bothers, The Lucky Die, and of course, us.
[1805.4s] There are, of course, many other ways you can find and interact with us here
[1808.5s] at Dumbgeons and Dragons, including on Patreon, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[1813.2s] where for as little as a dollar a month, you'll become part of
[1817.1s] what we call the inner sanctum of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1820.6s] The dumb dragon cast, making the show better with each and every episode.
[1825.0s] You get access to a ton of bonus episodes, exclusive channels on our Discord server.
[1829.7s] All of that is in there for patrons.
[1831.8s] Again, that's Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1834.5s] And we hope to see you over there.
[1836.5s] To find more ways that you can get a hold of us on social media or email,
[1840.0s] just head to our website, dumbdragons.com.
[1842.6s] And a big thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere in today's episode.
[1846.6s] Make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
[1850.4s] Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.
[1854.4s] The next episode will be out next Wednesday, January 23rd,
[1858.5s] which will be after PodCon.
[1860.2s] And while we're there, we're going to be doing recordings together while in Seattle,
[1863.2s] but we're not sure whether it's going to fit in the timeline quite yet.
[1867.1s] So those will be coming and I promise not to buy super crunchy chips this time.
[1872.6s] But we hope you have a great week.
[1874.4s] Maybe we'll see you in Seattle.
[1875.8s] Otherwise, we'll talk soon.
[1881.6s] Thea, you are sitting in your father's study,
[1884.9s] and you've been kind of just awkwardly staring at each other for a little while.
[1891.0s] Sounds about right.
[1892.6s] Till he finally breaks the silence and says,
[1895.5s] So, you came home to stay?
[1907.5s] No.
[1910.2s] I can't.
[1912.8s] I mean, you can.
[1914.9s] I actually can't.
[1916.6s] I mean, there's choices in this world and you can choose to stay.
[1922.6s] Okay.
[1924.2s] As you might have seen, being that you came from upstairs,
[1927.0s] you probably snuck in through your bedroom as you usually do,
[1930.2s] rather than knock on the door like a civilized person.
[1933.3s] Listen, if I stayed, you would die.
[1938.6s] For two reasons.
[1939.9s] Number one, I don't know if you know this,
[1942.7s] but there's a whole crap ton of badness going on out there.
[1946.9s] And number two, like I might legit murder you and mom
[1951.8s] if I stay in this house.
[1954.2s] I've been here 30 minutes already and it's been nothing but criticisms.
[1957.9s] Mom, I take that back.
[1959.6s] You and I would be fine.
[1961.0s] I think we'd be cool.
[1962.7s] Dad, however, he's got to let some things go.
[1966.1s] Fair enough.
[1971.8s] I have things of my own to work through.
[1975.1s] Yes, I realize that.
[1976.2s] I'm sorry.
[1978.3s] Well, it didn't sound like a sincere apology,
[1980.2s] but it's fine.
[1981.2s] I'm not here for an apology.
[1983.3s] I'm here to bury it all.
[1987.3s] You know what?
[1988.4s] Were you and mom, you know, super awesome
[1993.7s] in tune with their kid parents?
[1995.4s] No.
[1996.6s] No.
[1998.2s] Did you handle my differences in a good way?
[2004.2s] No.
[2005.7s] Should you have sent me off to the university when I was so young
[2008.7s] and only ever talked to me on the weekends?
[2011.9s] No, no, probably not.
[2014.3s] But all that has made me into the resilient person I am today.
[2018.0s] And for that, I can thank you.
[2021.0s] I'm with a group who is working very closely
[2024.6s] and very, very hard to stop the rise of TMS.
[2029.0s] So, you are, you are using your certain skills for, for good.
[2042.0s] Yes.
[2044.2s] What did you think I was out there doing?
[2046.6s] I know you didn't know, but you had some inkling.
[2049.8s] I'm sure you've talked to Benny.
[2051.5s] I'm sure you've talked to Master Carlisle.
[2056.0s] Master Carlisle, you must have known I was out
[2060.1s] just trying to make a name for myself.
[2062.2s] I mean, that's what they said.
[2063.4s] They said you were out.
[2064.3s] You were trying to find your own way.
[2067.2s] I mean, when you left, you were dealing drugs
[2069.4s] to the local kids down the street.
[2072.5s] Oh, I never dealt drugs to kids.
[2074.6s] You yourself are a kid.
[2077.2s] I'm dad.
[2078.1s] I'm 200 years old.
[2079.9s] Yeah, dad, I'm 200 years old.
[2081.4s] It's the same story as when you left.
[2084.1s] I was 150 when I left.
[2086.9s] Nevertheless.
[2090.4s] I am with a good group.
[2093.1s] We, we've been fighting for a long time
[2097.9s] and it's all, it's all coming to a head.
[2100.6s] And whichever way it goes, I just wanted to know that,
[2106.1s] that we are okay.
[2107.4s] And I wanted you both to know that I love you
[2110.7s] and I forgive you.
[2115.5s] There's a long pause
[2120.2s] and you see your mother move closer to your father
[2126.5s] and elbow him a little harder than she otherwise might.
[2135.0s] He kind of corrects himself and says,
[2141.0s] Thea, I'm sorry.
[2150.2s] Thea doesn't talk
[2151.2s] because she doesn't want to ruin this moment.
[2155.6s] I'm sorry we drove you away.
[2164.6s] Well, I'm glad to be back now.
[2171.3s] You're right.
[2172.6s] We weren't the best parents.
[2175.4s] We were doing the best that we thought we could.
[2182.6s] It's not easy.
[2183.2s] It's not like there's a book on parenting.
[2185.4s] There are numerous books on parenting.
[2187.2s] I did already reference books on parenting
[2189.3s] but none of them appeared to be working very well.
[2191.7s] You send me to the university library.
[2194.2s] I could have directed you to some pretty good reads.
[2198.3s] But thanks.
[2205.4s] Just know that you are always welcome back here.
[2215.3s] Thanks, Dad.
[2216.7s] If I die, I'm going to come back and haunt you
[2218.6s] and mom, but in the good way.
[2220.2s] He doesn't.
[2221.4s] More look out for you kind of haunting.
[2224.5s] He kind of just goes a little stone-faced
[2227.4s] and doesn't know what to say.
[2230.1s] That was a joke, Dad.
[2231.4s] That was a joke.
[2232.2s] Just trying to lighten the mood.
[2236.2s] I don't plan on dying.
[2239.4s] Good.
[2240.3s] Hey, you don't get the name
[2241.4s] Decimator of Dragons by dying.
[2245.7s] I mean, it sounds like a job that might end up dying.
[2248.9s] Oh, no, yeah, for sure.
[2249.6s] But I mean, we didn't get the name by dying.
[2252.1s] Fair enough.
[2252.9s] Fair enough.
[2255.7s] Let's go eat.
[2256.7s] Is is Herschel still your chef?
[2260.7s] You better believe it.
[2262.7s] Man, I could really go for a roast right now.
[2266.2s] He's been actually it's roast day.
[2268.2s] You came on a good day.
[2269.8s] I could smell it when I walked in.
[2271.4s] Yes.
[2272.6s] You head into the kitchen where there is an elaborate
[2275.4s] and exorbitant meal.
[2277.4s] In the kitchen?
[2278.6s] In the kitchen?
[2280.6s] In the dining room.
[2283.2s] You head into the dining room.
[2285.0s] Maybe it's like you fill your plate in a station
[2288.4s] and then you take it to the dining room.
[2289.9s] No, they're so fancy.
[2291.2s] I met Thea's friends with the kitchen staff.
[2293.8s] So she goes into the kitchen to be like,
[2295.8s] yo, what's up, homies?
[2297.0s] Because they like you to give her treats and stuff
[2298.8s] when she was a kid.
[2299.0s] I take the end pieces of the roast.
[2302.6s] Thea, we're in here.
[2304.2s] We're in here still.
[2305.2s] OK, sorry.
[2306.0s] I come in and I'm like I have like a piece of pot roast
[2308.6s] in like one hand and I'm like.
[2311.4s] You all sit down and continue discussing
[2313.8s] and eating your roast.
[2320.2s] New Laura.
[2321.5s] Yes.
[2322.5s] You find yourself back in your room.
[2327.1s] You wake up in the morning.
[2328.8s] OK, am I covered in blood?
[2331.3s] No, you appear to have cleaned up
[2334.1s] what blood might have been there the night previous.
[2338.4s] OK, so you say I wake up.
[2340.6s] Did I like I don't remember
[2342.8s] and I just wake up in my room or you remember
[2345.7s] or I remember trudging back through the woods
[2348.2s] having just murdered a man.
[2350.2s] You remember the act of murdering.
[2351.9s] You don't really remember all the details
[2355.6s] of getting back and getting cleaned up.
[2357.8s] Well, that murdering will really take it out of you.
[2359.8s] It's probably pretty.
[2360.6s] Sure will.
[2361.8s] There you go.
[2362.6s] OK.
[2364.1s] You hear your nieces and nephews playing outside.
[2367.7s] Well, I am going to like get up
[2371.4s] and try as best as I can
[2373.1s] to pretend there's nothing wrong
[2374.9s] because this is my like this is it.
[2378.1s] I have like a day with these people, right?
[2380.6s] I get up, we have breakfast together
[2382.6s] and then I kind of kind of ask all the kids
[2386.7s] like you guys want to like learn some cool moves
[2390.1s] that your that your folks don't know.
[2392.4s] Yeah, we don't know.
[2396.3s] My dad's pretty cool.
[2397.5s] He knows a lot of moves.
[2399.0s] Oh, come on.
[2400.6s] She's on the decimator of dragon.
[2402.2s] She kills dragons and shit.
[2404.6s] How many dragons you killed?
[2407.0s] Well, kill such a harsh word.
[2412.2s] Because decimate is not.
[2414.2s] No, not totally.
[2418.2s] So, yeah, we like go out to the field
[2421.7s] and I'm like showing them moves and stuff
[2425.5s] and like doing some of my spells
[2427.7s] and, you know, just like just playing
[2431.3s] and showing off
[2432.1s] and the kids are showing me their moves
[2434.0s] and I'm like super impressed
[2436.0s] and yeah, it's very wholesome
[2438.4s] considering I just stabbed a man eight hours before.
[2441.8s] It's good.
[2442.8s] You go through all of this
[2444.0s] and you go back as they're getting breakfast
[2447.8s] kind of served up there
[2449.4s] and everybody's seated down.
[2451.3s] You're seated beside John Zick
[2453.4s] and he, as everybody kind of gets their plates full,
[2456.8s] he kind of nudges you and says,
[2459.4s] hey, remind me before you go.
[2463.2s] I have something for you.
[2466.6s] Okay.
[2469.2s] Is there anything else that you,
[2470.9s] Nulara, want to do before we start wrapping up?
[2476.1s] I don't think so.
[2477.0s] Like I just want to try and spend time with everybody
[2479.4s] and just like hang out
[2480.7s] and have things kind of be as normal as possible
[2483.0s] because like nothing has been normal.
[2486.3s] Even at night here, it's not normal.
[2488.7s] So yeah, just like hanging out with the fam.
[2491.2s] It's real chill.
[2492.5s] It is a great day.
[2494.1s] Everything is normal
[2495.3s] and as if you had been there the whole time,
[2499.3s] you spend a lot of time with your niece's nephews
[2502.8s] joking around with your brothers
[2504.2s] and their significant others
[2507.0s] and it comes time for you to go.
[2511.4s] We didn't really say what the signal was
[2513.4s] when you got to go,
[2514.7s] but we'll say it's about now.
[2517.4s] Then I guess I start my goodbyes,
[2520.0s] which will take like three to four hours.
[2523.2s] We're going to cut away and then cut back
[2525.0s] and then you're still going.
[2529.0s] You say all your goodbyes,
[2530.1s] give everybody big hugs
[2531.3s] and John Zick kind of walks you back
[2533.9s] to where you came up to
[2536.5s] and met with Veres
[2541.4s] and he reaches into his pocket
[2543.7s] and he hands you a necklace.
[2549.6s] It's a small red rock on a chain.
[2554.3s] It doesn't look like much.
[2556.8s] He hands it to you
[2558.6s] and he says,
[2559.5s] I know that you're trying to be safe,
[2566.6s] but I hope this helps a little bit.
[2571.7s] It'll give you,
[2573.6s] as the merchant who traded it to me said,
[2575.8s] it'll give you a little extra boost
[2578.7s] when you need it.
[2580.9s] He hands it to you.
[2584.2s] Thanks, brother.
[2585.0s] I'm sure I'll be back real soon.
[2590.1s] Look forward to it.
[2592.4s] He gives you a big final hug
[2595.3s] and watches as you walk off
[2598.2s] back into the woods.
[2602.9s] Flint, it's the next morning.
[2608.2s] Everybody has woken up
[2610.2s] and you've created something masterful.
[2613.4s] Yeah, for breakfast.
[2614.6s] Did some of my patented
[2616.5s] apple cinnamon scones.
[2618.4s] Everybody loves them.
[2620.2s] And your mom, she kind of looks
[2625.2s] to the side there and sees the box.
[2627.9s] She says, did Helge give that to you
[2631.4s] last night?
[2633.8s] Yeah, I guess.
[2636.4s] I mean, what's the story with this sword, Ma?
[2639.7s] She said it's been passed down
[2642.2s] from generation to generation.
[2644.1s] I've never seen it or heard anything about it.
[2646.9s] Yeah, he he kept it kind of tucked away.
[2650.4s] You know that that disgusting joke
[2652.8s] you and him used to have?
[2655.3s] Yep.
[2656.9s] Well, I mean, that comes from
[2660.7s] his father and his father and his
[2663.2s] and they're very dirty people.
[2665.8s] Love them to bits, but good Lord.
[2669.5s] Like sailors, mouths like sailors.
[2672.3s] Yeah, real trucker mouth.
[2674.1s] So that sword was your great, great,
[2678.0s] great grandfathers.
[2681.2s] And he I guess either found it
[2685.8s] or made it himself that I don't know.
[2687.8s] I was never I never really stuck around
[2689.8s] much longer than when he told me
[2691.5s] it was called the moist tongue sword.
[2697.0s] Kind of gross.
[2699.2s] Anyways, you got the letter too?
[2700.8s] Yep. Yeah, yeah, I got that.
[2704.2s] I got the letter as well.
[2706.2s] Good. All right.
[2707.1s] Well, I hope it I hope it works well.
[2713.9s] I did.
[2714.5s] I did wonder about one thing.
[2718.9s] Are our dads smithing tongs anywhere around?
[2724.3s] Yeah, we haven't.
[2725.2s] We haven't gone to clean out
[2727.2s] clean out the shop quite yet.
[2728.6s] I'm sure they're I'm sure they're still there.
[2730.8s] Is it OK if I if I pop by and and pick those up
[2736.6s] just to keep them with me?
[2738.2s] Sure. Do you need need anyone to go with you or you?
[2742.4s] No, I remember the way.
[2745.1s] Yeah, I'm sure I'm sure they're there.
[2747.5s] She hands you a set of keys and she's like
[2751.6s] she fumbles with I can't remember which one it is
[2753.7s] and she hands you the whole ring.
[2755.0s] I remember the fake rock that the spare keys under.
[2758.6s] Oh, OK. OK, good, good.
[2760.8s] Yeah, I'll pop out to go to go pick those up.
[2763.6s] You find the fake key in the exact spot where it should be.
[2766.9s] We're not the fake key, the spare key.
[2769.4s] Find the fake keys. I got you again.
[2771.6s] Ah, sucker trickster.
[2774.1s] No, you find the spare key and you make your way in to the shop.
[2779.1s] What is it? What does it look like?
[2780.9s] And what do you what are you looking for?
[2783.8s] It's it's pretty dusty in comparison to how I remember seeing it,
[2788.5s] because it was always in action.
[2790.3s] But yeah, it's clear that it hasn't been used in a while
[2793.2s] and everything's kind of in disarray.
[2795.5s] Obviously, you know, he wasn't feeling 100 percent
[2798.4s] and never really got back to it after he
[2801.8s] after he was down for the count there.
[2803.5s] But yeah, I brood around a little bit and I find is his tongs.
[2809.0s] Is there anything else you want to do
[2811.4s] as you feel your time to return to water deep approaching?
[2817.0s] No, I'll just I'll lock it back up and hide the key where I found it
[2821.0s] and head back for final hugs and goodbyes and everything.
[2825.8s] You head back to your mother's place
[2828.6s] and she and your sister give you equally large hugs.
[2836.3s] It's a big group Firebeard family hug.
[2840.9s] And she as you get ready to go, she looks at you and says,
[2845.0s] you be safe and you come back.
[2851.1s] I promise I'll do both of those.
[2855.2s] She pats you on the shoulder where she felt the dragon scale
[2859.4s] and she gives you a knowing look and ushers you on your way.
[2867.3s] You head back out the secret door to Mithril Hall
[2871.9s] where you see the runes beginning to form.
[2878.9s] Thea, you finished your dinner.
[2881.4s] Oh, so good.
[2884.4s] I yell back, Herschel, you have outdone yourself again, my man.
[2887.9s] What?
[2893.0s] Side adventure for Herschel to cook, by the way.
[2895.4s] Oh, yeah, you're the one, that guy.
[2897.8s] So anyways, you feel that it's getting to be about that time
[2901.4s] when you got to head back?
[2905.5s] Mom, dad, thank you for understanding.
[2909.4s] This is meant a lot to me and, you know,
[2913.8s] whereas before I would have gone out and fought,
[2920.0s] I feel like I have something extra I'm fighting for now.
[2923.0s] Your mother begins to cry.
[2926.3s] Your father reaches over and gives her a consoling kind of side hug
[2932.3s] because you're at the table.
[2933.8s] Thea, you are always welcome here.
[2938.1s] I don't know if it will hold on and he gets up
[2941.8s] and leaves the room headed back towards the study
[2944.6s] and comes back and says, I don't know if it'll help,
[2949.8s] I don't know if it'll help, but I mean, hands you a book.
[2958.6s] It might do some good.
[2961.8s] I look down at it and I look back at it and I say,
[2965.3s] but I don't know how to read.
[2968.0s] Fuck, you're never welcome here again.
[2971.4s] Also, you don't have a great track record with books.
[2975.9s] I feel like Thea is like the inappropriate joke maker
[2978.6s] her parents never appreciate it.
[2980.8s] I give him a big hug, not a side hug,
[2983.8s] like probably the first hug we'd probably ever shared
[2987.0s] since before I would like.
[2990.2s] It's a little like he doesn't know what to do
[2992.2s] with his hands at first.
[2996.1s] And then he returns the hug
[3000.3s] says you are always welcome here.
[3005.1s] Thanks, dad.
[3006.2s] Your mom who's still crying comes over
[3008.4s] and gets in on the hug.
[3009.7s] Ah, so much hugging.
[3011.1s] I feel like the hug is going on a little too long,
[3013.8s] like dad's really into it now.
[3015.2s] And I'm like, everybody's doing a big sway.
[3017.9s] I look over his shoulder at the book
[3020.9s] and I'm trying to read the cover.
[3023.1s] It says multitasking.
[3024.6s] Yeah, it says tome of thunderstep.
[3029.3s] I break free from this super hug
[3034.8s] that surprised us all.
[3037.9s] And I give them each a kiss on the cheek
[3040.8s] and I wave goodbye as I leave out the front door.
[3047.3s] You head back out
[3048.2s] and you see them watching you
[3049.8s] as you walk down the street of silvery moon
[3052.1s] back out as far as they can watch you.
[3055.6s] And you head back out to the gate
[3058.0s] where the guards there open it and let you out.
[3061.6s] I high five them as I pass.
[3063.9s] And you see the runes beginning to form
[3068.5s] the same spot that you left.
[3071.0s] You step into them
[3072.4s] and find yourself back in water deep
[3074.4s] with Flint and Nulara.
[3082.0s] Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod
[3094.6s] of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[3097.1s] Add it to Spotify.
[3098.9s] You, it's not as fun when you point
[3102.7s] every single one out because then
[3104.2s] they don't have to find them.
[3105.8s] Well, you know, I'm sorry.
[3108.3s] But like, for real, add the entire
[3112.8s] rumors album right now.
[3113.9s] Yeah, that was legit.
[3118.2s] No, that's that's what I follow in his voice.
[3122.1s] My dad's a dagger.
[3123.4s] So maybe, maybe.
[3127.4s] Plot twist.
[3129.3s] You want to be a star, don't you?
[3133.5s] Oh, God, this is the worst.
[3136.5s] I hate you, Russ.
[3141.8s] Which one of our patrons made this item, Russ?
[3145.2s] Ty.
[3147.1s] It's all coming together.
[3148.6s] I love it.
[3152.9s] Um, and the.
[3158.6s] How did he learn all of his tips and tricks?
[3163.1s] We'll find out next Christmas.
[3167.1s] This puts in calendar Herschel side
[3170.0s] adventures.
[3171.0s] Christmas 2019.
[3172.6s] Damn it.
[3174.1s] Yeah, Herschel the cook.
[3176.2s] It was mentioned once.
[3177.2s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.